In spring of 1987, Terry served as the Editor in Chief of Today’s Chicago Womanizer — an April Fool’s Day parody of Today’s Chicago Woman, where he was a regular contributor.
It is just as puerile and of-its-time as you might imagine, coming from the same core of Chicago parody writers who created Rupert Murdoch’s Son-Kills-Father-Time and Yet Another Unofficial Cubs World Series Souvenir Program Parody.
Some examples from the Table of Contents:
ASK IKE TURNER
Does your woman make you roll your eyes and grit your teeth? Do you ever ask yourself “What would Ike do?” Now Ike Turner personally tells the lovelorn how to handle those crazy, lovable women.
by Mitch Coleman
AS WE SEE IT…
Fine, marry her. But only for a month.
by Terry Runté
WHAT ABOUT HER KIDS?
Is your new mate’s home infested with rug-rats? Let stud editor Joe tell you how to reason with the little bastards.
by Joe Fodor
THY BOSS’S WIFE
Why do you think she married that old geezer — for his money? No! She’s just using him to meet corporate studs like you.
by Mitch Coleman
50 PERFECT PICK-UP LINES
“Hey baby, is that a summer squash in your pocket, or are you just severely deformed and glad to see me?” 50 pick-up lines tested on real women! Each one a winner!
by Tom Mannis
PROFILE: AARON FREEMAN
Chicago’s crown prince of satire and retired skirt jockey tells you how to seduce your wife.
CONVERSATION TIPS FOR AFTER SEX
She has a gift for post-sexual chatter that will send your mind reeling near the brink of insanity. What can you say to a chick like that?
by Joe Fodor
I WAS MARY LANEY’S LOVE SLAVE!!
Read the lurid tale of a man who dared to love Mary Laney. All right, maybe he just dared to like Mary Laney. This is his story.
by Tom Mannis
MY WIFE THE SAINT
Mother Therese’s husband spills his guts in this exclusive account of how his marriage was almost ruined by the Nobel Peace Prize.
by Joe Fodor
CLIMBING THE CORPORATE LADDER
Sexually harassed men share their harrowing stories of what happened when women bosses got out of hand.
by Joe Fodor
QUIZ TIME — ARE YOU A MALE FEMALE DRIVER?
Don’t you hate men who drive like your mother? We sure do. Here’s a quick quiz to tell if you’re an unwitting cross-driver
by Terry Runté
FASHION ALMANAC
Did you know Sacco and Vanzetti were sentenced to death because they chose the wrong neck-tie for their court appearance? It’s true! Read about great moments in fashion history.
by Terry Runté
GREAT GETAWAYS
Did you know that in Mexico you can swap rusty old hubcaps for sexual favors from hot Latin girls? It’s true! Our ace travel editors have traveled around the whole world collecting these exotic tips. Then they wrote the whole thing off.
by Parker Bennett and Terry Runté
ANOTHER QUIZ — ARE YOU A JERK?
Let’s be real — girls go for the guys who treat them like pack animals. Take this little test to tell if you have the right jerky stuff.
by Tom Mannis
MEDIA MAKEOVERS
We took some great Chicago faces and made them even greater. Don’t miss Jonathon Brandmeier’s new wig, and much more.
by Joe Fodor
